Goodbye

It's almost an official thing all ready. I'm trying to leave the computer. Impossible, yes, but limiting my time and places where I go is not.

I guess I can say that I can't really take the drama that some seem to want. I guess I can say that I just don't feel comfortable in some places anymore. I guess I can say that I perhaps overstayed my welcome. I just don't want to be on the computer anymore.

Writing is starting to feel like a chore too. I can't help that fact, there's simply no more inspiration that comes my way. I really don't want to give up any of my work or allow anyone to adopt Goal, but perhaps I should allow it. Who knows, maybe I'll take it back up to read or enjoy another author's view of Goal. I'm pretty sure there's a lot of readers out there that would prefer me to start writing, but I'm sorry that I just don't feel it anymore.

I'll probably still be on the internet, but I'll be a lurker. I doubt I'll even leave reviews even if you're on my favorites or alerts - much less if I add more on my favorites and alerts I won't be reviewing.

I'm really sorry about this as I'm being entirely self-centered and selfish in regarding to this, but it's the only thing that I know can keep me happy. I can retract this, but for the time being, I don't think so. It's almost a definite that I'm staying at LJ - if only to blog and check out the One Piece community since I'm actively reading it on onemanga. I like joining in the discussions. So if you want me, message me on my LJ. I know I'll receive that surely.

But yeah, I'm sorry that it had to turn to this. I do tend to check my email and LJ rather obsessively, but I might not reply. So at the moment, good luck and goodbye~

~Lin~

So...

Yesterday was a hit. I saw a lot of my friends, hid from Cabo and Waikiki (which I ultimately failed in the end), and helped out a bit with Kimi's schedule. I got called her Caddy, but I don't mind at all. In the end, I just want to be loved and needed even if I'm not the one in the spotlight. As long as I know that there are people other than my family care for me, I simply can't find it in myself to give a shit towards those who dislike me. I know that not everyone's gonna like me and I'm fine with that, but I have my friends who'll be there for me when I need comfort and help.

I still can't believe that I got all the classes that I wanted. Well, I'm going to take Graphics next year, but still...I don't have classes with anyone I know so far except for sharing the same math class with Kimi (which is kind of funny because since sixth grade, we've had the same math class and we're all ready tenth grade).

I'm actually thinking about what kind of job I want. I noticed that I tend to work alone or work with a group of people that I'm close to. And History is my passion. I like English and all, but everything tends to lead back to History. I remember when I wanted to be an Archaeologist and I still feel like I want to pursue that career. I have two more years to decide, but I feel like I want to go into a History major. Even my mom said it'd be better for me than going into an English one.

I have to see the Shriner's hospital doctors tomorrow to check up on my Scoliosis. It looks pretty bad since I checked out the X-Rays that my mom picked up today for tomorrow. It's an S-curve scoliosis, which was weird seeing. My top side is worse than the bottom. My mom says that I was born with it...Oh, and I have to deal with my ankle and feet problem too. I have a collapsed arch and flexible flat feet. It gets incredibly sore if I sit Indian Style and if I walk on it for a long time like say an hour or two without resting. I think my tendents are really loose nowadays, I'm pretty sure I can fit three of my fingers and watch it sink. XD Sometimes it doesn't look connected and you can see my bone picking into the skin so I know where it all sticks out and stuff without seeing my bone. It's weird to describe.

I just hope that things turn out all right in the end. Seeing as we're older and supposedly more mature, I'm hoping that past dramas with people might disappear. I doubt I'll ever like them as much as I could, but it wouldn't hurt to not get involved with shit that I don't want to. Let this year be a new clean slate! Plus, I gave these people a year off from me, they should have matured since then. And I'm serious, to this day I have no idea why they disliked me so much.

And gosh, in the past two days including today, I spent more than two hours on the phone talking to Vance. I hardly talk on the phone because I can't stand talking for so long. I wonder if he knew I was trying to end the conversation? Anyway, he's at church right now.

And Friday I have my Eye appointment, but I can't find my glasses that I had a week ago and on Saturday, we're having my brother's family graduation party. What a wonderful busy weekend. And only two more weeks till school starts. Hot damn! I better enjoy the rest of my summer while I still can! I'm kind of sad that Ryo's not visiting, but I guess he can't help it.

Brit put a nice quote that got me thinking:
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be."

I miss you, Ryo, but I've always known that it was never meant to be. @_@ I don't think I'll ever be able to really forget my first love...

Closet secrets~

Will be adding on Pokemon later~

The days passing by seems like blurs nowadays. In only a few weeks I'll be back in school! A new school to be more exact. I'm really excited, but at the same time I'm scared. And my English teacher knows that I'm in his class. XD He's cool though.

I can't wait until Tuesday comes when I get my schedule and stuff. I'll be able to see all my old friends and see if I'm in their classes and stuff. I can also meet new people too! Oh, the excitement bubbling in me is just...I'm just shaking and feelings are arising. It wasn't like this when I went to my freshman year - I was just normal. This is a completely different feeling and I like it. My new school has a warmer feeling to it and I feel mightily comfortable being on that campus and stuff.

I'm still listening to my brother for reasons unknown to me. Maybe I'm clinging to him because I don't want to lose him like I lost my oldest one or it could be because I know he won't leave me. Despite the fact that he's the most selfish out of him, me, and our younger sister, I sometimes feel like he'll come through for me in the end. If I need him, I get the feeling that he'll be there for me. He tends to come through in the end anyway. My brother won't be getting a girlfriend for a while, but I fear when he does. Well, I fear my own reaction to his girlfriend if I don't like her. I'm even more possessive over my brother than our older one and I'd be blunter too. My brother and sister mean nearly everything to me - I seriously wouldn't know how my life would be without them. I'm the most independent and I'll probably be the first to get the hell away from here, but I don't think I'm able to live without talking with them every once in a while; if only to ask how they've been. I'm quite attached to Ken too, he's the only one that lasted the longest out of Ryan's golf friends. I met him when I was in Eight grade - Spring Break. Now, it's the summer before my Sophomore year - that's quite long; a little over a year. I hope that he'll still be around as more times come. He treats me like a little sister and he's like my older brother. I love my siblings a lot. Thank the Heavens that they can't read these entries about them. XD

I can be cruel, I know that all too well. As much as I try to deny it, I'm my father's child with a mixture of my mother. I wouldn't drive away/neglect my child like my father did to me, but at some point, I think I might have his temper swinging in every once in a while. Sometimes, I just like to blame all our fights and everything on our Chinese horoscope and everything. He's the Dragon and I'm the Dog - we're complete opposites in the Chinese cycle. The best relationship I can get out of it is a platonic one. I'm getting pretty fucked up, but I'll grow out of it. I know that I'm still growing and going into weird ass stages, but that's life. And I learned that regrets take you nowhere - what's done is done, you can't change that. Just take a step forward to the future and do things to make amendments. I can't let things hold me back from doing what I want to do, not my negative feelings or my fantasies. This is reality and I must take responsibility for myself. I'll learn many things in life and I'll grow up, but I'll forever be Chelayna Locke through and through and in my heart.

(And I'm proud of myself since I was a good samaritan (that's what my uncle called me anyway) today (well yesterday). My uncle took my mom, me, and my sister out for dinner and there was this old lady holding a cane and being helped by I guess her daughter who looked my mother's age. Anyway, my uncle left the door open for just my sister and I before he let go of the door. But I saw the old lady coming and I turned around and noticed that my uncle let go of the door. So, actually being the good person that comes out of the closet every once in a while, held out the door for the old lady and her family. I felt good when they said thank you to me since I did it without consulting anyone and did it of my own accord. Then I joined my uncle guys at the table and they were proud of me since they weren't thinking of doing the same. I love these odd moments in my life when I help the old, young, and the ones who can't help themselves. It really makes me proud of myself that I succeeded in helping others and making things easier for them.)

Schoo Plus Pokemon

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So, today wasn't all that bad. I thought the atmosphere would be a little tense and stuff like it was at Baldwin, but once I started talking with the register with the classes, then everything felt more comfortable. The people at my new school are very nice. :D

I got into some pretty good classes for my upcoming year. It's rare for a transfer student to be able to get into classes that they want. Let's see:

World History
Regular English
Advance Guidance
Japanese
Geometry
Biology
Arts and Communication Core

The order went something like that. My World History class is a Junior class or so my brother says, I have regular English class with my aunt's friend who I've talked to whenever I see him, Advance Guidance is a requirement, I managed to get into Japanese which is really hard, I have Geometry with my oldest brother's friend as a teacher and my other brother who had her for a little while said she's a really good teacher, Biology I didn't really care for, and next year after going through Arts and Communication Core, I can take Graphics. :D

It's kind of hard transferring into a school, but I think I'll make it. So I'll be okay. I'm really happy that everything turned out well, I was so scared that I would get crappy courses. XD

---

I've come to accept more of chapter 550 of one Piece. That's not to say that I'm not shock about the whole thing, but seriously, it was totally unexpected. If Ace really knew about his real father, then did he know that he wasn't Luffy's full biological brother? Better yet, how did the two of them come together? I'm wondering if it's possible to get more into this. As I've learned, Oda-sensei really never lets anyone forget anything and always comes through with what's going on. He never just throws things in there without any explanation following afterwards. It's certainly suspenful though, I have to give him that. And I just realized that Ace never did mention Dragon as his father, in fact, he never said his father's name. Oh well, not like Luffy gives a shit anyway. He'll probably be like: "So, he's still my brother." or something along those lines after the initial shock wears off. It gets me wondering on who exactly Luffy's mother is or if Luffy knew that Ace wasn't his bio-brother to begin with. Hm...

This is such a sad song coming from Brook: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9Q7Dvfmouo - Bink's Sake. It fits the Rumbar Pirates so well...:::Sigh::: I do share my birthday with Brook though (April 3rd) - I can't believe it. No wonder instead of getting irritated with him, I start laughing my ass off at his comments. A crude gentleman with a perverted streak. Brook is hilarious.

I've been listening and singing to Bink's sake since last night. I think it's a lovely song and better than "Hoist the Colors" from Pirates of the Carribean.

Who know?

Today's full of weird crap. Seriously. I was all upset earlier today, but as the day went by, I calmed down and just did whatever. I'm a little hurt, but I'm fine now.

Crims called me cute~ :D (I shamelessly like praises like that :P How wrong of me!) and she's said it several times before. It must be part of growing up and actually trying to look cute because normally I wouldn't like that kind of stuff. I think my vain side is coming out more. For some reason or another, I like to look at myself in the mirror a lot and wash my face; I use to have really bad pimples before. Nowadays, I try to keep my face oil-clean~

I don't think the Den of Woe was such a bad topic, but I could all ready see the arguments coming forth and that's the last thing I want. I really don't want any forum drama as that's why I left in the first place. Of course, I was suckered back but seriously...I'll leave if it becomes problems.

And I've been going through the General Forum pages and I found interesting things. I came across a forum where there were website sources to improve writing and it's helpful. I hope to learn from it and apply it to my life. I've also tried posting where I normally would hang out but conversations tend to lead to awkwardness. I'm sad, really. ): I'm such a sensitive little girl again.

http://www.informatics.sussex.ac.uk/department/docs/punctuation/node00.html

And...and I've been looking through courses that I can take at the High School I'm transferring too. There might not be a lot of courses I can take due to the fullness of the class, but I'm hoping either way. I'm trying to take a Graphics course and hope I'm not in Agriculture. No offense to those who like it, but I personally find it boring. If I have to decide between that, I just want to beg my way into going into Marine Science...but I know that won't happen. DX

On the other hand, I'm really getting nowhere at One Piece. Thriller Bark is as bad as Enies Lobby for me, but at the very least I got to stare at Lucci, Paulie, and Iceburg since I know it'll be a while or I might never see them again (which I'm somehow doubting). I can't wait for the new chapter to be out this week! They're so close to Marine HQ. It gives me the shivers! I wonder if they'll somehow meet up with Whitebeard and Dragon. I heard the manga might continue for the next five years. I hope it does, really. It's such an amazing manga.

I'm pretty much going to be alone for the next few days unless my brother actually tries to keep me company. And I wanted to go to the mall too. Perhaps when I come back I'll be able to go. :::Sigh:::

Wow~

It's been forever and ever since I've been here and so much has changed!

I'm mostly at my livejournal account: http://lotus-eclipse.livejournal.com/

I try and update there mostly. I seriously can't believe that it's been nearly half a year since I've been on this thing. I need to update stuff. :)

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